Chronic, pain that makes me almost suicidal every morning

I have been on pain relieve 120 30 mg oxycodone every month, that has dulled the pain but it never leaves my mind.I have severs lower back right leg pain and chronic pancreatitis.The pain has now become level 10 each time after I sleeping the morning and then some.I feel like I can’t get up even after a 30 mg pill.I stay in bed and crawl into mt living room after one hour.I need a double dose just in the morning to give me the wherewith all to get up after the hour it takes to go into affect, Why are we treated like drug addicts when I just want a normal life.

Cortizone Injection to the c6 and c7

The doctor laid me on the table and gave me a shot. I heard a squeak like pop, then a severe headache, stroke, seizure, vertigo and a spinal debilitating headache for a year. I still have constant headaches, but now after 5 years, I go to the pain management. They don’t listen or look at the records, just hand out drugs that help somewhat, but if you find something that works they don’t seem to care, they just do what they want. I have had two blood patches and no relief. Spent 5 years in hell, being told I cant have a headache but I still do.

Well, 5 years, 10 doctors, 134 visits to the ER, 3 neurologists, 8 primary care doctors, 15 different meds, (watch out) they love experimenting and giving out physc meds for pain, which have never been proven to work on spinal injuries.

So after 6 SSDI hearings my Judge was so disgusted with the medical treatment and couldn’t believe all the things wrong with my back, he gave me permanent fully favorable SSDI. I’ve had 5 MRIs, all showing progressive growths at the injection site. Bone spurs have shown up, stenosis, the disc is now budging and herniated and it’s to late to take legal action, because CA has a two stature of limitations. So my advice to you all is, watch out they don’t care, and they love to get you hooked on meds, then cut you off. They’re evil, heartless people in the majority, even with full disability and several things documented throughout my whole spine, the pain Dr has yet to see my CDs or read my disability findings.

He comes in for one minute, types in Norco’s, Fentanyl, Valium and leaves. I told him, my leg still burns, he doesn’t care. He thinks I’m there for a headache, he has not read that my lumbar and thoracic are all herniated and budging, with vacuum disc phenomenon, with degenderize bilateral knees colitis diverticulitis and gout, because he does not have the file. I do, I have offered it, he says no, I know what is going on, so I guess he is psychic. Oh well I’m luckier than some. Just remember we’re their rats.

Thank you. Seriously.

I can’t tell you how emotional your writings have made me. It could be the drugs. It’s probably all the drugs. But I am an emotional wreck. I have had chronic pain since I was 16 years old. It only started getting severe within the last 5 years or so, I will be 28 in November. Let me start out by saying that I am very petite, and a makeup artist for a large company so I don’t stand out as a ‘sick woman’. Being young and not looking sick has been something that I have a hard time dealing with. Your ‘letter to people without chronic pain’ hit me close to home. I have had people tell me to stop eating sugar. Stop eating gluten. Exercise more. Try acupuncture. Have God heal you in church. It’s so frustrating and honestly it’s hurtful. There is nothing that I wouldn’t try to have a normal life. I would take any pill, do anything to have just one normal day. I work 30 hours a week and am a manager at my job. My mother, who is practically my DNA twin with CPD hasn’t worked in 10 years. She is thin, looks young and is beautiful. My dad still adores her and is her biggest support. My boyfriend is very motivated and we have a great life. He is very successful and sometimes I feel like he puts a lot of pressure on me. I sometimes feel like he resents me. Currently I have been home for two days in bed because of a new medication, I cannot seem to hold any food down. Along with the nausea, vomiting, hot flashes and cold sweats, the pain is there as well. I could tell when he came home from work he was frustrated with me for not cleaning or organizing. In fact, he went to bed without saying more than 2 words to me. I feel bad about myself too. I wish I was a better person. I’m 28 and I have been diagnosed with chronic pain disease, myofacial pain, fibro, auto immune disease, chronic migraine syndrome, depression, anxiety and the list goes on and on. I go to pain management. I have had gallons of blood taken. I have been on 100 medications. I never know how I will feel when I wake up. But everyday I try. Every single day I try. Some days I don’t quite make it, but I sure as hell try. And for the moment that’s all I can do. Thank you for spreading awareness of invisible diseases. We don’t need suggestions for cures or diagnoses, we need compassion and understanding.

Excruciating pain from shot for dnc

I don’t know if that is the cause, but about 7 years ago, when I had a dnc done basically the anesthesia Dr. when he gave me the shot it felt like nothing I ever felt before the pain had me cussing and jumping off the table and in tears and then I was just so shaken by the painful shock my leg literally flew in the air and they said “oh you’re fine it’ll go away” well now much more fear since I was getting a dnc such was the second baby I lost so was already not obviously happy time, very sad, but I’ve had a baby before and I knew that was not right. i knew he screwed up. no biggy to them, but horrible time as the nurse held my hand she knew he screwed up. i can’t remember if I had constant pain right after, but I do know I started getting a severe pain like someone pulling something out of my lower back. Fast forward to now 7yrs later I am in horrible pain feeling down below, legs constantly in pain and its like that same shocking pain in lower spine. just move wrong and it is painful and scares me sometimes to do things. doesn’t take much to somehow hit a nerve or something and pain goes everywhere, back, knees, neck. mornings are hell for me. i always wonder, think back, did it have something to do with that horrible shot which i had with my daughter and it was not at all like this horrible shot. it just seems even though it slowly progressed that it had to come from that nightmare shot. my sister has passed, but she never would get epidural shots with her kids, because she said she’s not taking a chance of being paralyzed. maybe she was right. r.i.p sister, i love u, miss you. AND YOU WERE RIGHT, I THINK WHEN WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE CRAZY, NOT GETTING EPIDURALS :) –I JUST DON’T LIKE THAT I HAD TO GET IT, BUT IF THEY SCREW UP, IT’S JUST TOO BAD FOR US THAT SUFFER IN PAIN LATER. JUST DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT. FIRST TIME TOLD THIS STORY, BUT IT HAS ALWAYS BUGGED ME. THANX.

Ignorance is bliss

I have had 3 children by c-section and then I needed an operation on my bowel so the anaesthetist suggested an epidural for pain relief as well – now 2 1/2 years later I still suffer from pain at that site. It took 3 months to wee again and my doctor has never referred me to anyone to find out why! The epidural was left in for 3 days followed by a pain pump to that same area – when I complained to the hospital I was shrugged off and told it ‘was all in my head’! My past epidurals were not like this – possibly because they were used for shorter time frames – not days! Stress seems to make the pain worse (who isn’t stressed!) The doctor is ignorant and arrogant – ” I never caused that!” (talking about the fact that I could not pee and he also prescribed blood thinners – no surprises that I nearly died under his care! I also came out of the anaethesia (4 days later) and realised I was on a bed with no stuffing (budget cuts) and my tailbone gives me more grief 21/2 years later! I sit on a donut cushion now! New Zealand great health service! Not!

Never ending pain

Hi my name is Denise I’m in chronic pain constantly every minute of the day sometimes I feel my life is over I get depressed and sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own home because I don’t go out much because of the pain when I go to the doctors they don’t give me the right kind of meds or something that isn’t strong enough I try to explain to them that the medicine doesn’t work but I believe they think I’m making this up but why would I be making this up if it relieves pain I would have no problem taking it I cry mostly every morning because I know once I get out of bed it will not be any relief I have a 22 year old daughter she’s doing the best for me but I can’t take her life from her because she is too young to be dealing with this I can see the pain in her eyes when she asked me to do things with her and I can’t do it it breaks my heart knowing I can’t share activities with other or mother daughter time shopping things like that just a little things little things – her R very big ones to me because of my pain I have no love life and I fear I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life and when I meet someone the last thing I want to tell them is about my pain fear of them walking away who wants to be burdened with someone that can’t do anything and in constantly pain I can only stand about 5 minutes with out moaning I feel like this isn’t life living this way everything I used to do its gone I have no more friends and my family isn’t close like we used to be because I can go to any events and when I force myself to go I have to leave early so people who talk about chronic pain you don’t know our lives unless you lived with this pain it’s not about being lazy or anti sociable it not comfortable and without the right kind of meds to at least get you through the day life as it was is no more I used to be a happy person now I feel like I don’t have a purpose for living anymore because day to day pain is my life so with out any proper solution for this pain I have no idea how to get through this but I love my daughter she keeps me strong but I am not strong enough to do the things I need to do with her the smallest something to get me back on my feet would make the world of difference so to cut this short when your life is riddled with pain constantly do what I do because I have no other solution I just pray to God and hope that one day i will find relief and for those in my situation or I can find the right meds that will give me an edge something’s got to be out there I’m asking for a little help not a miracle thank you for listening to my story

Fix Me!

I have been tormented with lumbar spinal problems for over 10 years now. When it first happened, I had no idea that hell could reach a new level. I was told by the first treating family doctor after an MRI revealed a bulging L4 lumbar disc that this was “normal”. Oh my God, then I suspected that I was crazy which was reinforced by the ‘medical professionals’ uncaring for me at the time. I altered my activities and gave up on answers. I tried physical therapy and discovered a special loathing for TENs. I consumed pills and suffered projectile emesis. I got thoroughly disgusted and decided to handle things on my own. I became so good at managing my pain without external help that I was assumed to be cured. Truth is, I just felt that getting help was pointless, so I suffered alone. I gave up my horse, my home, my garden, my remodeling activities. It just hurt way to much to do these things. I self medicated intensely with alcohol for several years-which was extremely bad for my body and mind. The negative effects eclipsed the short term oblivion, so I abandoned that sort of self treatment. I blessedly experienced times of almost non existent pain for several years, and became hopeful.

I tried to resume the things that I loved over these years. Then pain returned and began to morph into more awful pain when I was attending college to hopefully re train for a different sort of employment. I was horrified when I lost the ability to sit for any but brief periods of time. This began in 2011. I forced myself to continue with classes until spring of 2012. I still entertained the idea that I was simply crazy to be feeling what I was feeling. I contemplated suicide. My world crashed. And then, I got really really pissed off. I am still pissed off. Deadly pissed off. I now have sciatica that extends to both of my feet, and although I can walk, it becomes increasingly painful the more I persevere. I recently resigned from a job that I loved, after losing the battle with this morphing and increasing pain. I am clinging to another part time job that I can tolerate. I have a certain autonomy in my duties, and I can limp slowly as needed. Thank God my job does not involve sitting-which I absolutely can’t do for much longer than the length of time required for bowel elimination! That in its self is a tricky proposition. My legs tend to tingle and go numb if I linger. I have been blown off repeatedly by two different medical practices. Finally, I demanded a referral and will soon be going to a pain management clinic. This isn’t what I want at all. The symptoms that I endure suggest that I have a possibly severe disc herniation in my lumbar spine and now since I have pain in my cervical spine that shoots horridly into my arms at inopportune moments as well-most likely a cervical disc herniation. I have done years of research into the anatomy and physiology of the body in my quest for understanding and healing. I will be extremely surprised if I am proven incorrect. I hope fervently that the new doctors I see order some MRIs.

If I am proven correct, I intend to rain fire and brimstone on the doctors that did nothing for me but negate my symptoms. I don’t want to manage this with poisons, I want to be CURED. I know many people that have had surgeries for their ruptured discs and these people are now living happily and pain free. I don’t want nasty poisonous epidurals, There is the rare chance of developing arachnoiditis after these procedures, and I don’t want to descend into the 10th circle of hell. I don’t want quack remedies. I have already tried them all and am certified now to practice my own form of quackery. I did find some herbs that actually do speed up the healing of certain types of infections based on subjective trials. Can one cure a broken leg through exercise? Can one heal torn knee cartilage through exercise? No, of course not! Likewise, injured structures within the spine will not be healed through physical therapy. Been there, done that. The science is unsupportive in my case. Recall that old adage “Misery loves company”. If I find that I have structures damaged beyond repair due to delay in adequate diagnosis, I intend to do my utmost to make the “medical professionals” that refused to do that which was right suffer as much as I am suffering if at all possible.

I do what I can do, because therein may lie the antidote to madness. I started my own little business so that I might have absolute flexibility with my physical limitations. Most of the time, this has worked. Lately I find myself unable to devote the attention to this venture that I would find satisfactory. I study microbiology and have been slowly accruing the equipment for my own in house laboratory. Since my back deteriorated further, these endeavors have slowed to speed less than that of a garden slug’s progress on dry ground. I am extremely pissed off. This is a very brief account of why. I have one extremely valuable thing: The ability to think. I do believe the torment is clouding how I use my mind. I like it not at all. Some people cry when they suffer and some become berserkers. Some seek solace and others retribution. Some find a measure of grace and endure while others determine to drag more souls into their torment. I would rather not be the berserker, but alas, animals tend to bite when injured to the point of madness. My daughter sought to comfort a lizard the cat had mangled and it firmly did just that. It latched onto her finger with the last determination left in this life. I understood the poor creature completely.

You are not alone