For everyone, with or without chronic pain

I’m 14 years old and I’m not great at this. At writing. I want to talk about my chronic pain, but I don’t know how. If you think there is a word, a feeling, an emotion that could even come close to describing how it feels, then you are wrong. Have you ever broken a bone or been in an accident? If so, then I envy you. If you broke a bone, the doctor can give you a solid cause, treatment and recovery time. For me, and anyone else with chronic pain, it is different. We don’t know how it happened. We don’t know how to fix it. We don’t know if it is going to stop. If you can imagine the feeling you get when you first see the words ‘chronic pain’ written on a diagnosis sheet, then you have more empathy than even the best actor. And best actors’ empathy doesn’t even come close to what you need to imagine you have just been told you are going to spend a lifetime in pain. I went from an independent person to an ‘invalid’ who had to call for help even getting up. That is what chronic pain does to you, and as I said, there are no words to describe that feeling. You can be sad, angry, frustrated and exhausted at the same time as the pain, and sometimes it is just too much. If I say I can’t do something, don’t push me, you are going to just make me feel even worse, and believe me, that is last thing any sufferer if chronic pain needs. Just because we can do something one day doesn’t mean that we can do it everyday. If I was walking yesterday, that doesn’t automatically mean I don’t need the crutches, the support and sometimes, the days I can’t get out of bed, anymore. That doesn’t mean I am cured. It just means that yesterday was a good day and today is not. No amount of medication can change that, and you need to understand that. If you tell me about some ‘miracle’ treatment, chances are I have already tried it and as I am still here, with this pain, it hasn’t worked. If I haven’t heard of it, I’m not going to get my hopes up about it. If this is a cure you can get in the health food aisle of a supermarket what makes you think that it will be more effective than the expensive procedures I have already tried? To all those who do not have chronic pain, please just try and accept that you are never going to be able to understand what it is like, living with your demons. And lastly, to all those who (like me) have chronic pain, my heart goes out to you. We may not be able to fix this, but we can master it. It may take months, it may take years, but eventually we are going to be able to say to the doctor ‘I can do this, or I can do that now, even with this condition’. And that day will come, no matter how far away it seems now. At the minute, I can’t see the end of this road, but I know it can’t go on forever. It won’t go on forever. The road may end, or it may just change direction but whatever it may be, change is coming, whether it is coming quickly or slowly I don’t know, but I do know that it is coming, and that it will be for the better. Stay strong.

5 thoughts on “For everyone, with or without chronic pain”

  1. You are very strong and brave and I envy you strength.
    You must keep believing.
    You must believe that something will come to help us.

  2. Thank you for describing how I feel every day! I work so hard at trying to be normal that it is exhausting. Pain sucks.

  3. Dear poster,

    I have had chronic pain for 15 years – a botched brain operation. I made myself even sicker by listening to the “experts” and cramming toxic medication into my body like it was going out of fashion. By chance I was told of Ayahuasca (look it up if you’re not familiar with the word) and the more I read the more I knew I had to give it a go, otherwise I would never know – unlike yourself I am able to walk and get around fine, unless, that is, I have a really bad attack, then I’m hospitalised and put on morphine (my condition is known as ‘Normal-Pressure Hydrocephalus – don’t be fooled by the name, it’s have a devastating affect on my life, work, family….).

    So, I decided (with the full support of my wife) to go to Peru and try Ayahuasca. You may be too young to deal with the trip, or other related things, but don’t write it off if you are. I went through 8 ceremonies and luckily I didn’t have an attack whilst I was there. I suffer from chronic headaches. I know you know what pain is so I won’t go into the symptoms that accompany the condition. Now, maybe it was psychological, maybe it was spiritual, or maybe it was just pure hope but, on my return I realised that the constant pain was becoming less significant, less intense and I found myself becoming more positive, more sociable, more happy. That lasted for 18 months until, in June this year I was in a car crash – a 48-seater coach hit my stationary car at an estimated 80kmh/50mph. It was in the hospital, whilst having my head stitched that it dawned on me: my headaches were back. Sadly, I’m now back on prescription med’s. I’m considering going back to Peru in an effort to get back to where I was, but for now that remains a dream. Good luck and have hope, for without hope we are nothing. I’m not religious but I feel a lot more spiritual, in a way I find hard to put into words. Try and find your answer, that’s how I, albeit temporary, mine. X

  4. I’m 15 and too suffer with chronic pain. I have a condition called myositis ossificans, which many doctors haven’t heard of, and those who have heard of it have been surprised how bad mine is and how long it’s lasted. It’s basically a non-cancerous tumour, which with me, ended up wrapped around my sciatic nerve, before turning into bone. I have never met someone who understood the pain I endure in my day to day life. Nobody (let alone somebody my own age) ever seems to talk about pain. So thank you

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