Tag Archives: Fibromyalgia

Disabled Veterans with Chronic Pain.

For 15 years I have lived with this condition, this illness, this disease called Fibromyalgia, that has no true tests to find it and yet the only thing to find it is trigger points in the body. Not even blood tests, MRI’s’, cat-scans and all the technology in the world can’t see it in a person except when they complain about excessive pain in regions of the body. The intense burning, sharp pain that just is the gift that keeps on giving.

Back in 99 when I was in the military I started to have problems in my body I could not explain. First it started in back, then it slowly traveled to parts of my body and yet couldn’t figure what it was. At that time this condition was not believed in by doctors, some consider it as a “junk diagnosis.” Through that time I was always in the ER because my doctors told me it was all in my head and prescribed me with anti-depressants that did little to ease this deep pain. I struggled a lot in the first 8 yrs before actual diagnosis. Constantly in the ER asking for relief, relief that resorting to pain killers. Even to this day I have to be on pain killers to actually function period in my life. I cannot even work anymore due to this problem I have. I live with pain every single moment and yet no one in my family has it. It has caused me to lose my three younger kids, my parental rights because back in 09 my condition was so out of control that CPS was called in and they knew that it hindered me as a mother, a parent from doing my duty. It has caused me to be this invisible disabled veteran, not able to work or be happy truly or even do things I once was able to do. Today I have Fibromyalgia, an arthritic spine, bad knees, bad shoulder ( left ) and insomnia.

I struggle to get out of my bed. I struggle to function properly. Yet the VA tells me I am able to work, but has not since 06. No employer is going to employ someone like me that needs to lie down, that can’t lift too much, sit too much, walk only so far and can’t stand for too long. I am fighting my hardest to get disability because I am not able to work period. I only live on 630.00 per month. I can’t live on my own because I am not able to afford rent properly or take care of my son that is my oldest that lives with me. I have to depend upon others to help me when I am sooo used to doing it for myself. I am on the pain killer – morphine because everything else does nothing for me to function. I really have no option at all to escape pain killers as I would like to have. I do not want to be on pills forever. I am so tired of them as I know the addiction rates, side effects and damage it can do to me, but what can I do? Nothing but take them so I can actually get out of bed.

People do not understand that there’s people like me that struggles everyday and has this invisible disease that can debilitate and cripple in the long run. At times I do have to walk with a cane when my knees are bad. Sometimes I can do little of something and my sciatic nerve goes out of service to the point I am not able to put on my pants or shoes with the aid of someone. It really does a number on me mentally. It even causes me to think of suicide but I do not wish to do so as my kids are the only thing that keeps me going day by day. You see so many point fingers and say, ” Oh you are not disabled.”, when they do not see me at home or see me on a daily basis. I get told, ” You are too young to have these problems.” Pain or disease does not discriminate against an age group or gender. At times I feel so worthless as a mother and parent because I am not able to do what I like really without worrying if I am going to hurt today or the next day. At times I feel useless when the pain gets bad and I am having to worry about whether I can get something for my kids for their birthdays or holidays.

The rating for physical disabilities are lower than mental disabilities that are like 10% here or 20% there but they give almost 100% disability to someone who has a mental problem but when it comes to someone like me I get nothing and told the same run around. This is the rating type for the VA system. Many disabled veterans like me have to fight tooth and nail to get anywhere with the VA especially backlogs on people waiting for compensation for disability. I really feel the rating system is so off and not properly given to those that need it to survive because work is hard for those living with chronic pain. I have been to many clinics and been on all sorts of medications. Believe me it sucks at times. I even hear there is a possible cure but if they had it, then cure me, please cure me of this pain I keep dealing with. I read in some article or watch YouTube that there is a way, but if they had a cure then I wouldn’t be in such a struggle as I am in now.

If my life was a hockey game, I’d have a hat trick!

I was diagnosed with systemic Lupus and Fibromyalgia in Aug. 2000. I already had scoliosis, but never had any problems as a result of it, up until I was having Lupus related problems. Lucky for me, I lived as a military spouse on one of the best medical military posts in the world. The military had no reason to make me continue coming g to the office for ‘follow Suppo appointments, or running all kinds of UN necessary tests, at which the general public doctors are in my opinion,guilty of doing. So it took them only 9 weeks to diagnose mewith the symptoms I was having.

I was sick and had ‘flair ups’ for 5 years. I am very blessed, and ay times actually forget my ‘chronic’ conditions.

The hat trick comes in June of 2011. I was on a family fishing trip on a charter fishing g boat. When trip was over, I was disembarking the boat when my foot hit the ramp, it was wet and I went flying. Immediately my foot was purple! I kept repeating ‘I broke my foot’. The pain wasn’t immediate. I was embarrassed, and jumped up like I was OK.

That night, the throbbing and pain was horrible.

I went to my orthopedic the next a.m. not broke!! How could it hurt so bad?

Months went by, I continued to work because after all ‘it was only a sprain’. I made decision to go to a different doctor when my orthopedic seemed disappointed that he wasn’t going to be doing surgery on a broken leg. I ended up having surgery for torn meniscus. But only after being told I have RSD. Before she could do the surgery, I had to start spinal blocks. Since the day I was diagnosed with RSD, I have gone through denial, depression, anxiety, anger, resentment, confusion, etc.

I have heard ‘well maybe if you get up and move around’ so many times I could scream!

There are days that my foot/ankle look fine, yet I’m in pain. People always say,’well at least its not swollen’ yet I wish it was so I at least had something to show for the inner pain that I’m in!

As I lay here with my leg elevated, my foot is purple and ICE cold to the touch, yet its on fire!!

I wish I could get my family to understand, I may look OK, yet I’m dying inside. Every day I wonder, ‘where will this RSD take me?’ Why is it that I have 3 chronic conditions, with no cure? What can I do to change my situation? Do I want to live my life with this stopping me from doing the things I enjoy?

The depression at times sets in and I feel sorry for myself. My life flashes in front of me, what have I done to deserve all this?

I wonder what its like to be someone else. To live life healthy, happy and free from pain. I realized today, I have lived almost my entire life in pain. Mostly physical, which ends up emotional pain.

I tell myself, this to shall pass……but will it?

Why do I have so many chronic conditions?

For years I had different symptoms, illnesses etc. I was told I was ‘it was just in my mind’. Although I knew it wasn’t and I had legitimate illnesses, I started to wonder myself ‘maybe I’m going crazy?’

In Aug. 2000, my than husband was stationed at Fort Bragg N.C.

My daughter(13) at the time and myself were living there by ourselves, far from any family. My husband was in Missouri, and I had no one to turn to but myself and God.

I will never forget the day… I had been having so much pain in my entire body,radiating in my back. I couldn’t state awake, yet I couldn’t state asleep either. I would be driving my daughter and I, and have blackouts. Would wake up driving, not no how I got there. My daughter Chelsea had no ideal would call my mother who lives in Floryida several times a day. Acting each time like all was well.

Than came the day, I had so many tests run, blood taken, MRI’s, cat scans etc. I got the call telling me I have systemic Lupus and Fibromyalgia. What in the world ate those? I said. I was Tod to clear in and we would discuss my options.

I immediately called my mom in Florida and went and picked my daughter up from school. I thought,’maybe I will just leave and go back home,and everything would be ok’.

My wonderful mother made the decision to come to Bragg for few weeks. I again, put on that I was OK.
I was pretty much bed ridden for 2 months, was on a lot of steroids, pain meds etc. Felt defeated. Went through bouts of depression.

Second guessed my doctors diagnosis, but couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so aweful.I finally stopped fighting my emotions of the stigma of having a chronic condition.

As the years have passed, I have had my ups and Downs. I have been mostly good.However when I do have flair ups,there bad. I have to physically and emotionally come to grips with letting it run its coarse. ‘This to shall pass’. Its been my experience that the emotional is at times, much worse than the physical.

In June 2011, I fell on a boat, jury my knee and ankle. After months of MRI’s, etc. I ended up with yet another chronic condition RSD!!

I have decided that life could be worse, I could have terminal cancer, brain tumor, heart attack, stroke… My attitude is a direct reflection of how I feel and I have to always remember, it could be worse 🙂

Not Again!

I have been in chronic pain for 15 years. It began with a hysterectomy I had with severe complications. My bladder was punctured 8xs and I hemorrhaged that same day. It was like I never healed.I had to use a catheter for 3 weeks. The pain in my bladder became worse. I thought I had a constant UTI until I consulted a urologist and she diagnosed me with Interstitial cystitis a painful bladder disease. I never had bladder problems until the injury. I have severe burning pain along with constant pressure and frequency, It has totally affected my life. I then began having muscle pains and joint pain, At first I thought I was coming down with the flu., but for a year? I was in so much pain that I could not get out of bed a lot of the time. My kids were still little so I felt helpless. I became depressed and helpless, I was advised to see a rheumatologist and he did a number of tests and diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I never heard of that in my life., but it all made sense with the symptoms I have. Then I met a new friend who also suffered with IC and FMS and she told me about pain management, I never even knew there was such thing. I met my first pain doc and I will admit he saved my life. He recommended I go to a therapist to learn to better cope with my pain and he did some procedures along with medications and I had my life back., well until recently, Due to insurance issues., I was dumped by my last doctor with no referral no nothing. I was terrified on what to do. My pain returned with a vengeance. Now I am having severe burning pain in my feet and hands. I haven’t had the adequate medication and could not find anyone to help me. I have a new insurance and recently found a new doctor who I have heard a lot of good things about and am hopeful to get my life back. Whats sad is that this has happened a few time already in the 15 yrs I been ill and something needs to change so that others don’t suffer needlessly. I know I’m not alone in this. If it was not for pain management., I would not have graduated high school even at the age of 36 and would not be working. I am in a minor set back but I am hopeful to get my life back so that I can continue my goals in life. My prayers are with us all who suffers pain every day and maybe one day there will be an answer that will stop our suffering. God Bless you all.

The scariest pain shot in my life

Hi my name is Renee I was hit as a pedestrian when I was 39 years old. Told I would be fine went back to work after 2 weeks…..

Mean while my spine which was fractured, continued to worsen….. 1.5 years latter I was told that I had fibromyalgia. A year after that they said I had Arthritis/bulging disks herniated disk stenous. Facet joint syndrome, etc this is entire length of spine.

I went to get epidural for my neck which I have had 4 times before, he couldn’t get in to epidural muscle. so he started to jam in. If that wasn’t bad enough he moved down to lower part of my neck when he did this he struggled, but got in, he hit nerve root for my left arm, my whole arm flew up in the air and started to shake. I had a feeling of a million bee stings, this was horrible;;; I will not attempt this again. I don’t know if any damage at this point, but have been looking for any other post where this happened it was truly traumatic.

Please respond if anyone has had this happen.


I was just wondering if any of you are suffering from FM or CMPS?
I have been getting anywhere from 36-42 trigger point injections a week for about 2 1/2 months now, and am preparing to have the botox injections in my lower back, up my spine, across my shoulders and the back of my neck. Has anyone here had these botox injections? I am scared to death about the pain being worse than the injections I get now 🙁
Thanks for any responses you may give me whether it be positive or negative.


Fibromyalgia and my spine

First of all, I have been the one to encourage and reach out to other pain sufferers on other sites always. I felt a strength as long as I could hang on to a sliver of hope. Without it, I have often said, “we will fall into the deep, dark depths of despair”. I have been falling there often in the last 6 months. I have no energy to describe all the pain, all the reasons, all the loss, becoming dependent, no money status, continual denial of SSDI, the conditions, diseases and types of pain right now. I just want to let it out, I do not feel I can cope with this anymore. I keep thinking today, I do not want to live. It’s useless. Why get up to face another day of the same agony, torture and suffering? I’m so tired. Any feedback from fellow sufferers is welcome.