Category Archives: Depression

Chronic Pain

I had chronic pain for 24 years, since I was 19, I’m 44 years old now.

I was seen by many doctors and chiropractors for all these long painful years.

I was told I had a “herniated disc” and all I needed was a spinal adjustment, which didn’t help at all.

Finally on January,2016 I went to my family doctor and I was determined to have an MRI, and a referral to a rheumatologist.

The Rheum suggested first an Xtray and showed nothing, and tried to brush me off, I insisted to have a blood test and an MRI.

A month later he called me for the result, i was diagnosed was “Ankolosing Spondylitis”

So my ankylosing spondylitis was misdiagnosed, overlooked and untreated for 24 years by many doctors and chiropractors.

Currently I have an inflammation in my neck,entire back, rips, hips, pelvic,buttocks, and every single joint in my body.

He started me with anti inflammatory medications such as Naproxen 500MG and celecoxib which did absolutely nothing except horrible side effects, then he put me on Simoni injections “TNF inhibitor” once a month, that didn’t help, right now I’m on Humir another TNF inhibitor twice a month.

I been on Humira for 2 months now and no improvement at all, but I’m willing to take his advice and give it at least 3 months to notice any improvement.

Right now im taking my injections plus oxycocet for severe pain, and Venlafaxine for depression and anxiety.

and just hoping and waiting ….

Thank you for taking the time to read my story

My life is hell

I’m a 24 year old female in chronic pain and no doctor can figure out why it’s starts right under my rib cage on my left side and radiates down my abdomen and back. I have had a exploratory laparoscopy I have had a endoscopy and colonoscopy and they still can’t figure out whats wrong with me I throw up everything it seems to get worse after I eat or try to eat. The er says I’m there for pain meds but I have never not once asked for pain meds. I’m at my wit’s end I can barely get out of bed because of the pain and this has been about 5 months since I’ve had this pain and it seems to be getting worse. I’m to the point were I want to kill myself because I just feel like I’m crazy

Another drug induced cause of Dystonia

I suffered from depression almost my whole life (still do). Every medication tried or combination did not help. I was put on Seroquel (a “newer”) for “mood control”. For 10 years I drifted from treater to treater, each one simply re-writing more refills for Seroquel. Once in a while someone might notice involuntary jaw movements and casually prescribe Cogentin. But nothing changed and I was soon seeing another provider. After 1O years and 80 pounds heavier I decided to stop the Seroquel myself. Exactly 3 months later the movements started. My head constantly tilted to the left and was always moving. The pain got worse and worse as the symptoms did. However, I was one of the lucky ones. Right away I went to a local neurologist who said it was Tardive Dyskenesia and referred me to the movement center in one of our many hospitals in Boston. They diagnosed it as dystonia after just 1 appointment. Some people are surprised that Seroquel would cause this life-long condition. It wasn’t on the list of the “worse” meds. But I am living proof and whenever I come in contact with someone taking it or any other neuroleptic I give them my strong warning.

Forever Sick

I had an allergic reaction to the pertussis vaccine at 6 months. I am convinced my father also had a reaction to vaccines possible Polio. He had to wear braces on his legs.
I grew up and suspect I was treated with antibiotics when I had Viral infections and possible autoimmune disease. My high fevers and infections were multiple times during the year but always during the spring to summer, and Fall to winter.

I had Severe mood issues at home as a child and well behaved at school. I had pain I remember well and when my parents stopped spanking me. I began to hurt myself physically in the places on my body where the pain was. My Arms and legs and managed to hide it for years.

I was given a diagnosis of bipolar and then after treatment for years started having allergic reactions to antihistamines and then my medication which rendered me useless as I could not stop moving and had nerve pain in my legs and arms and had severe gag reflex and what is Parkinson like symptoms.

The pain never ended after that and now they think I am insulin resistant. and my thyroid overworks to keep me from gaining weight and lead to over a hundred pound weight loss.

All I can say for myself and other people is that it is easier for them to believe in miracles of God they can not see than a virus, germs and nerves or cells in the body. So We carry on knowing that no matter what they will not know or acknowledge what they fear. Many fear illness and pain. What is special about the people who face it every day is that we are a gift. And we can have compassion and insight to things others are simply blind to and face terrible odds with incredible faith and strength.

Education is key and ignorance is the enemy. I use my breathing and constant spiritual practice of letting go and accepting this at the same time. If we can find peace in suffering. We have something that is a great gift. This is our great thing. To give to others an example of expression and this. As well as hard times to come and go is invaluable. It can not be sold or bought and it can not come with a fight. It comes with acceptance and surrender. It is the only break we may get. Just knowing people are only conditional to love and understanding is helpful. We must reach and accept a gift no one can know or see but what we can feel and only we can work with.

thank you.

My long long pain…

Have been in pain since 1988. Where after 4 years of suffering had my first back surgery. Got a staph infection and had open wound on back for 5 months. Had huge ugly holes on each end of my ugly scar. I did have a few years off and on of not being in constant pain until it started up once again.

From 1993 till 2000 suffered horribly. During that time I had 12 epidurals where they just lean you over a table and shoot the epid in your back. Hurt a lot but did relieve the pain in my legs for a while. The Epidurals got to where they did not do any good. Wore braces, had physical therapy, acunpucture, Tens units. Nothing helped. The doc I was going to said there was nothing else he could do for me. I was in horrible pain and had not life at all. I was still working and so endured it during the day and went to bed as soon as I got home. I wondered what was to become of me.

Went to A NEW DOCTOR in 1999 and he did an epidural and it did not good at all so he sent me to a spine surgeon. They did a mylegram with dye and my spinal cord was completely blocked. I was in such pain I could not longer work. He set up my surgery and said he could fix me and my ugly scar. He did and put in two rods, 6 carbon cage implants, 7 screws. The pain in my legs improved but the pain in my lower pain and from the rods is forever there. I now have more damage to spinal cord and need surgery again to take the rods out that are flat and put in curved rods to repair. It is a dangerous surgery and no surgeon wants to do it.

I am obese. have diabetes, high blood pressure and a high risk for surgery. I have had about 11 epidurals over the last 4 years and they help some. Have never had the problems that you all talk about on here. I did get very sick this time after the epidrula and today I am having horrible muscle spasms in my back and can’t walk. I fear I am doomed forever to horrible pain and no relief. Why can’t they find something better to do.

If my life was a hockey game, I’d have a hat trick!

I was diagnosed with systemic Lupus and Fibromyalgia in Aug. 2000. I already had scoliosis, but never had any problems as a result of it, up until I was having Lupus related problems. Lucky for me, I lived as a military spouse on one of the best medical military posts in the world. The military had no reason to make me continue coming g to the office for ‘follow Suppo appointments, or running all kinds of UN necessary tests, at which the general public doctors are in my opinion,guilty of doing. So it took them only 9 weeks to diagnose mewith the symptoms I was having.

I was sick and had ‘flair ups’ for 5 years. I am very blessed, and ay times actually forget my ‘chronic’ conditions.

The hat trick comes in June of 2011. I was on a family fishing trip on a charter fishing g boat. When trip was over, I was disembarking the boat when my foot hit the ramp, it was wet and I went flying. Immediately my foot was purple! I kept repeating ‘I broke my foot’. The pain wasn’t immediate. I was embarrassed, and jumped up like I was OK.

That night, the throbbing and pain was horrible.

I went to my orthopedic the next a.m. not broke!! How could it hurt so bad?

Months went by, I continued to work because after all ‘it was only a sprain’. I made decision to go to a different doctor when my orthopedic seemed disappointed that he wasn’t going to be doing surgery on a broken leg. I ended up having surgery for torn meniscus. But only after being told I have RSD. Before she could do the surgery, I had to start spinal blocks. Since the day I was diagnosed with RSD, I have gone through denial, depression, anxiety, anger, resentment, confusion, etc.

I have heard ‘well maybe if you get up and move around’ so many times I could scream!

There are days that my foot/ankle look fine, yet I’m in pain. People always say,’well at least its not swollen’ yet I wish it was so I at least had something to show for the inner pain that I’m in!

As I lay here with my leg elevated, my foot is purple and ICE cold to the touch, yet its on fire!!

I wish I could get my family to understand, I may look OK, yet I’m dying inside. Every day I wonder, ‘where will this RSD take me?’ Why is it that I have 3 chronic conditions, with no cure? What can I do to change my situation? Do I want to live my life with this stopping me from doing the things I enjoy?

The depression at times sets in and I feel sorry for myself. My life flashes in front of me, what have I done to deserve all this?

I wonder what its like to be someone else. To live life healthy, happy and free from pain. I realized today, I have lived almost my entire life in pain. Mostly physical, which ends up emotional pain.

I tell myself, this to shall pass……but will it?

Why do I have so many chronic conditions?

For years I had different symptoms, illnesses etc. I was told I was ‘it was just in my mind’. Although I knew it wasn’t and I had legitimate illnesses, I started to wonder myself ‘maybe I’m going crazy?’

In Aug. 2000, my than husband was stationed at Fort Bragg N.C.

My daughter(13) at the time and myself were living there by ourselves, far from any family. My husband was in Missouri, and I had no one to turn to but myself and God.

I will never forget the day… I had been having so much pain in my entire body,radiating in my back. I couldn’t state awake, yet I couldn’t state asleep either. I would be driving my daughter and I, and have blackouts. Would wake up driving, not no how I got there. My daughter Chelsea had no ideal would call my mother who lives in Floryida several times a day. Acting each time like all was well.

Than came the day, I had so many tests run, blood taken, MRI’s, cat scans etc. I got the call telling me I have systemic Lupus and Fibromyalgia. What in the world ate those? I said. I was Tod to clear in and we would discuss my options.

I immediately called my mom in Florida and went and picked my daughter up from school. I thought,’maybe I will just leave and go back home,and everything would be ok’.

My wonderful mother made the decision to come to Bragg for few weeks. I again, put on that I was OK.
I was pretty much bed ridden for 2 months, was on a lot of steroids, pain meds etc. Felt defeated. Went through bouts of depression.

Second guessed my doctors diagnosis, but couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so aweful.I finally stopped fighting my emotions of the stigma of having a chronic condition.

As the years have passed, I have had my ups and Downs. I have been mostly good.However when I do have flair ups,there bad. I have to physically and emotionally come to grips with letting it run its coarse. ‘This to shall pass’. Its been my experience that the emotional is at times, much worse than the physical.

In June 2011, I fell on a boat, jury my knee and ankle. After months of MRI’s, etc. I ended up with yet another chronic condition RSD!!

I have decided that life could be worse, I could have terminal cancer, brain tumor, heart attack, stroke… My attitude is a direct reflection of how I feel and I have to always remember, it could be worse 🙂