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For everyone, with or without chronic pain

I’m 14 years old and I’m not great at this. At writing. I want to talk about my chronic pain, but I don’t know how. If you think there is a word, a feeling, an emotion that could even come close to describing how it feels, then you are wrong. Have you ever broken a bone or been in an accident? If so, then I envy you. If you broke a bone, the doctor can give you a solid cause, treatment and recovery time. For me, and anyone else with chronic pain, it is different. We don’t know how it happened. We don’t know how to fix it. We don’t know if it is going to stop. If you can imagine the feeling you get when you first see the words ‘chronic pain’ written on a diagnosis sheet, then you have more empathy than even the best actor. And best actors’ empathy doesn’t even come close to what you need to imagine you have just been told you are going to spend a lifetime in pain. I went from an independent person to an ‘invalid’ who had to call for help even getting up. That is what chronic pain does to you, and as I said, there are no words to describe that feeling. You can be sad, angry, frustrated and exhausted at the same time as the pain, and sometimes it is just too much. If I say I can’t do something, don’t push me, you are going to just make me feel even worse, and believe me, that is last thing any sufferer if chronic pain needs. Just because we can do something one day doesn’t mean that we can do it everyday. If I was walking yesterday, that doesn’t automatically mean I don’t need the crutches, the support and sometimes, the days I can’t get out of bed, anymore. That doesn’t mean I am cured. It just means that yesterday was a good day and today is not. No amount of medication can change that, and you need to understand that. If you tell me about some ‘miracle’ treatment, chances are I have already tried it and as I am still here, with this pain, it hasn’t worked. If I haven’t heard of it, I’m not going to get my hopes up about it. If this is a cure you can get in the health food aisle of a supermarket what makes you think that it will be more effective than the expensive procedures I have already tried? To all those who do not have chronic pain, please just try and accept that you are never going to be able to understand what it is like, living with your demons. And lastly, to all those who (like me) have chronic pain, my heart goes out to you. We may not be able to fix this, but we can master it. It may take months, it may take years, but eventually we are going to be able to say to the doctor ‘I can do this, or I can do that now, even with this condition’. And that day will come, no matter how far away it seems now. At the minute, I can’t see the end of this road, but I know it can’t go on forever. It won’t go on forever. The road may end, or it may just change direction but whatever it may be, change is coming, whether it is coming quickly or slowly I don’t know, but I do know that it is coming, and that it will be for the better. Stay strong.