All posts by Just Wonderful

I pray but has God forgotten me?

I had a rotten childhood. Alcoholic mother, unaffectionate father. Couldn’t wait to get married & get out of the house. But the husband was a rotten apple. He gave me two beautiful sons. My two sisters live far away & most of the people I worked with for 45 years have forgotten about me. I had two months of a great retirement, then injured my shoulder, & had three surgeries in two years. I am in chronic pain, do everything I can to feel better but my favorite part of the day is nighttime when I don’t have to think about anything. I don’t have the drive to do anything, mostly because I end up in bad pain. So I sit in my arm chair, watch tv, & if someone calls, try to act normal. My younger son who is 35 lives with me so I depend on him to do errands. He has Aspergers Syndrome but is high functioning. He has many of his own problems but would do anything in the world for me. He is the only one I see & talk to each day. My oldest son is an attorney in another state. I think he wishes he could do more for me but he loves his life & I want him to be happy. I have two younger sisters who live 2 hours away. They married great guys, have great kids, go on vacations & call on occasion. I hear them telling me to get out more, join the senior groups, I’ll feel better. But nobody knows what chronic pain is like unless they have it. If I get up from my chair right now, & start doing something , even taking a shower, the pain will get worse & I’ll be sitting back down in no time. Doing my exercises results in the same way. Maybe God will take me soon, but first I need to get a special needs trust for my son so he will be taken care of.