Turning Point

I have been battling chronic widespread pain seriously since I was 16. I am now 3 months from turning 24. I have trained forntwo careers and been bullied out of them by my pain. I have lost the ability to throw myself headlong into any of my passions. I feel as if I always hear how your younger years are your best, the years to start your career and find your self. Rather I have found progressively worsening pain, lack of will to continue trying, and not much in my forseeable future to push me on.

I finally fought my way into xrays and mris after a fall left me stuck in bed for two weeks. The doctors have more testing to do but they have decided that my back, while my main pain point, is not damaged. And ill be honest… That news devestated me. I had secretly been holding hope that it would be something a simple surgery could fix rather than a mystery.

Now i hear I sit, my eyes wet with uncontroallable tears, daily, seeking the strength to go on. Seeking the fire I know is somewhere deep inside, to make like the phoenix and raise from the ashes of all thats been taken away…. Chronic Pain has stolen my careers and passions.

Paired with having polycystic ovarian syndrome with high testosterone and insulin resistance I feel as if I have no identitiy beyond sick. I already struggled with being told I could never have kids and the chronic pain limiting so much of the rest of my life leaves me feeling far less than human most days.

Ive never been the type to share my story and seek the comfort of a community but I have discovered what a wonderful community of people those dealing with chronic pain is. I have discovered spoon theory which has finally helped me save my relationship with my fiance. But I still have many mountains to climb and many mysteries to probe, and at 23 it seems so hard to look into a future of simply coping with pain…

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