I think I’m really screwed finally

I suppose a small part of this is a cry for help. but mainly I want some record of my existence beyond what is happening if you know what I mean. I want some people out there somewhere to have really heard me and know why.

Starting about 4 years ago I was having severe lower back pain. Back then I thought that was so bad….little did I know.
From there over the next four years my right hip severe to excruciating pain daily….I hurt from my neck bone all the way down my spine to my tailbone. my shoulders hurt, my fingers hurt I’m just going to stop although there is more because it gets ridiculous obviously.

My lower intestine seemed to have stopped working about 2 years ago. I cannot eat food of any kind for about a year now. I have got pain daily from just drinking ensure to stay alive. And I have dropped a hundred pounds and not on purpose. I pretty much hurt all over and I feel so malnourished and awful all the time. I live alone and can get no actual help for some reason. I have been through the ringer with the medical profession and no one cares. that’s just the bottom line. And a little over a year ago when I was in the worst shape of my life and even worse now of course. Anyway my wonderful wife decided to leave me for a police officer. I cannot eat and I cannot stand the pain anymore. and I am alone no one needs me or counts on me anymore anyway. I am 43 years old and have grown children. And frankly they don’t seem to care much about me. I’m not sure why. I always did my best and they were kept safe with a roof over their head and food to eat. This generation seems extra selfish for some reason.

2 thoughts on “I think I’m really screwed finally”

  1. I’m truly sorry that you’re suffering so much, I can empathize with the fact that it feels like it’s never going to end or that no one cares. But that’s why I decided I would write this post. I have been suffering with a traumatic brain injury for the last 11 years so when you are referring to pain I truly know what that means. It is very important to try and stay grounded throughout the day and if you are at all of a religious faith, Praying can bring some much needed mental relief also. I’m not sure where you live but just about all community’s have some support groups or mental health individuals that you can talk to. I know myself I have found those programs very valuable and worthwhile! I’m truly sorry that your feeling this way and hope that you find the strength to keep fighting to get the relief it is that you need. I will pray for you and hope that your journey turns over a new direction and you get better. Stay positive my friend!!

  2. Have they done any MRIs on ur spine? i have a RARE SPINE DISEASE called TARLOV CYST DISEASE,,,,,, you have similar symptoms,,,, see if u can get an MRI to the end of ur spine,,,, IM SORRY UR SUFFERING,,,, ME TOO, I SPEND MOST DAYS IN BED, GOD BLESS, SELENA

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