Take me now so my pain can go away,
in my sleep! Or out on the street!
My life and its events makes me feel it’s my destiny,
makes me believe in what they call fate!
A definition in which I’ve said fate is nothing less then what you make
so if I’m destined for hell, why am I living it?
If I’m destined for another reality why is it in this one I remain?
Take me now?
and stop letting me endure this pain,
if its a test then Ive passed,
I find myself on the other side amongst the grass which is green-err than my past,
yet my fate will still blow with the wind,
so can I actually escape?
If I’m destined if it’s my fate,
should I wait?
Should I take control?
Make a decision?
With blurred vision?
It may not be right, as I stand weakened and all out of might,
all out of directions,
only ONE path remains
take me now!!!!
i reach my life’s destination,
i see piece,
i feel no grief nor pain,
i used to sit in pure darkness because my days didn’t shine,
i used to sleep into a next reality because i was afraid of mine,
i see light,
yet still Anorexic by mind, body and soul,
a combination which still leaves me without might.
My name is Tania, I am 16 yrs old and my doctors believe I have LHPS (although they are still checking for other possible diseases). I live in a private athletic boarding school miles away from my family and am finding it extremely difficult to get through this health issue by myself. Although I know my parents don’t know what I’m going through neither does anyone at my school, my friends, my roommate, or any of the staff members. I feel very lonely and alone at school. The pain is so unbearable and I am always scared for it to return. I’m tired of being curled up on my bed in pain or on the bathroom floor throwing up. I have been to the hospital many times and sometimes the reason for my pain is very obvious (kidney stones) but other times there seems to be no reason for all the pain, and this is when I start thinking I’m crazy or that it is all in my head.
I don’t want to let people know what is going on, although it is hard to hide it. I feel bad for them when they see me sick or and pain and are unable to do anything, they are unsure what to do to help (there is nothing they can do). I have let this disease run my life, not because I want it too but the pain limits what I can and cannot do. And I don’t want to involve my friends because then I’m dragging them into a problem that’s not theirs and a burden that they should not be carrying. But at the same time I wish there was someone there to hold me when I shake and cry in pain.
ABSOLUTELY NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THIS. My friends don’t understand, they’re telling me to be more positive but it’s so hard to be positive when you’re in so much pain and have gone through so much. If they want to try my life and see if they can be positive at all then they can switch lives with me. I try very hard to be positive all the time about my health situation but sometimes its too overwhelming and I break down and cry. I just wish there was someone who understands. Can you help me?