I suppose a small part of this is a cry for help. but mainly I want some record of my existence beyond what is happening if you know what I mean. I want some people out there somewhere to have really heard me and know why.
Starting about 4 years ago I was having severe lower back pain. Back then I thought that was so bad….little did I know.
From there over the next four years my right hip severe to excruciating pain daily….I hurt from my neck bone all the way down my spine to my tailbone. my shoulders hurt, my fingers hurt I’m just going to stop although there is more because it gets ridiculous obviously.
My lower intestine seemed to have stopped working about 2 years ago. I cannot eat food of any kind for about a year now. I have got pain daily from just drinking ensure to stay alive. And I have dropped a hundred pounds and not on purpose. I pretty much hurt all over and I feel so malnourished and awful all the time. I live alone and can get no actual help for some reason. I have been through the ringer with the medical profession and no one cares. that’s just the bottom line. And a little over a year ago when I was in the worst shape of my life and even worse now of course. Anyway my wonderful wife decided to leave me for a police officer. I cannot eat and I cannot stand the pain anymore. and I am alone no one needs me or counts on me anymore anyway. I am 43 years old and have grown children. And frankly they don’t seem to care much about me. I’m not sure why. I always did my best and they were kept safe with a roof over their head and food to eat. This generation seems extra selfish for some reason.