Forever Sick

I had an allergic reaction to the pertussis vaccine at 6 months. I am convinced my father also had a reaction to vaccines possible Polio. He had to wear braces on his legs.
I grew up and suspect I was treated with antibiotics when I had Viral infections and possible autoimmune disease. My high fevers and infections were multiple times during the year but always during the spring to summer, and Fall to winter.

I had Severe mood issues at home as a child and well behaved at school. I had pain I remember well and when my parents stopped spanking me. I began to hurt myself physically in the places on my body where the pain was. My Arms and legs and managed to hide it for years.

I was given a diagnosis of bipolar and then after treatment for years started having allergic reactions to antihistamines and then my medication which rendered me useless as I could not stop moving and had nerve pain in my legs and arms and had severe gag reflex and what is Parkinson like symptoms.

The pain never ended after that and now they think I am insulin resistant. and my thyroid overworks to keep me from gaining weight and lead to over a hundred pound weight loss.

All I can say for myself and other people is that it is easier for them to believe in miracles of God they can not see than a virus, germs and nerves or cells in the body. So We carry on knowing that no matter what they will not know or acknowledge what they fear. Many fear illness and pain. What is special about the people who face it every day is that we are a gift. And we can have compassion and insight to things others are simply blind to and face terrible odds with incredible faith and strength.

Education is key and ignorance is the enemy. I use my breathing and constant spiritual practice of letting go and accepting this at the same time. If we can find peace in suffering. We have something that is a great gift. This is our great thing. To give to others an example of expression and this. As well as hard times to come and go is invaluable. It can not be sold or bought and it can not come with a fight. It comes with acceptance and surrender. It is the only break we may get. Just knowing people are only conditional to love and understanding is helpful. We must reach and accept a gift no one can know or see but what we can feel and only we can work with.

thank you.

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